Why Men Need Chaperones

Dec 7, 2010 by winjaw

Sometimes, in between picking flowers and cake and arranging singers and redoing the slide show once again and a host of other errands relating to burying a loved one, you need to take a break.

You’ve just hit the wall.

The Sons of Thunder were holding up pretty well for having to bury their grandfather. They looked pretty spiffy in their coats and ties during all the somber parts. They didn’t hit each other or play tag during the memorial service.

As a reward for not embarrassing us, I told the Little Black Dress I’d take them out. She said that would be great, but I think she really just needed them out of her hair for a while.

And so we headed off to where any self-respecting dad with three Sons would go.

Bass Pro Shops.

I have not ventured into said store in some time. I now realize there is a reason for that. I understand my weaknesses.

Sometimes you walk in a place and you think the Mormon Tabernacle Choir will burst out singing the Hallelujah Chorus. This indeed happened, but it was way cooler when you thought it was a bunch of bass and salmon and white tail deer singing.

I salivated, nay, I admit to drooling with foam on steroids. This place had a lot of stuff. Now readers understand my hatred of stuff. But this was, well, guy stuff, so that’s different. It was the one time I wish I had one of those half of half of half off coupons The Dress always brags about.
Free shipping is available if you reach a compromise, avoid making hurtful comments at each other about how much you are sacrificing and how your partner is not caring for http://www.slovak-republic.org/attractions/ cialis canadian generic you. Moreover, the medicine check this site out levitra on line has to be ingested with water that assists in dissolving the medication faster. However, in the era of modern age and with the break-through in research and buy viagra pills science one no longer needs to be an issue since you have the option of using either the tablet or capsule form. Horny goat weed levitra properien http://www.slovak-republic.org/car/rental/ has traditionally been used by Chinese medicine for centuries as a cure for erectile dysfunction (ED).
So I did what any self-respecting and responsible dad would do. I emptied my pockets of all change and one dollar bills, handled them to the Sons, pointed to the shooting and hunting games upstairs, and firmly said, “go away.”

According to the Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman, my love language apparently is the gift of service. The LBD’s wants all five, plus about seven more.  Anyway, since it was close to Christmas, I thought I’d help out the Little Black Dress and just pick up a few things I wanted. You know, save her the time and trouble.

For the record, I did not pick up the full-sized, four-wheel-drive, rode-ready, all-terrain monster buggy. This, despite the fact my mailbox is a good 30 yards from the front door. And it’s uphill. And sometimes it snows.

But this place is just too much for someone like me. They have category-specific departments – camping for example – bigger than most stores. I spent a lot of time in that department. And the knife area. And the hat area, seriously, just hats. And the fishing area – basically its own building. This place could justify those moving sidewalk things you find in airports.

If you remember the old Lost in Space television show, I needed The Robot following behind me doing his infamous “warning, Will Robinson, warning” but changing the name of course.

This is one place where I need a chaperone.

In my defense, I did not spend anywhere in the five digit-range (thanks to not getting the bass boat or the above-mentioned souped-up golf cart), nor did I even hit four digits. The Dress, of course, just laughed when I confessed my slight dent into the household funds. But again, it was Christmas stuff, even though I’m just borrowing some of the presents a little early.

I have met my match. I cannot go in there alone. However, if you feel a need to hit a Bass Pro, please feel free to call. At least I’ll have a chaperone.