You want to go in and fix it, but you can’t. Time takes its toll. We are helpless, at least to some degree. Eventually, the LBD and her brother had to step in and she stood by her brother in court as they sought emergency, and eventually, full guardianship for her parents.

Her mom, known as Mimi to all the grandkids, and one of the sweetest people I knew, died last summer. The effects of Alzheimer’s and other issues finally had their day.

And this morning, The Dress learned her dad joined her mom. 

Milton O. Carlin died with his boots on, so to speak. The caregivers said he had a great day yesterday, watching a John Wayne movie and smiling throughout.  For someone who was once a dirt poor kid from Oklahoma, he couldn’t do much better than something starring the Duke.

Papa, as the Sons of Thunder called him, was a self-made man.  He was very proud of the “Dr.” before his name. You see, at a young age, he and his older brother decided to become veterinarians. When it was time, Papa worked the oil fields to put his brother through school. When his brother was set up in his practice, he put Papa through school.

For nearly 50 years he perfected his craft – delivering and taking care of every type of animal known; including a few snakes and even a tiger.

Yet the mind plays funny tricks as we age, tricks that are hard to deal with. Mimi’s body just imploded; she physically wasted away. Papa, despite two heart attacks before he was 50, was actually in fairly good health. His problem was he was losing all short-term memory.

Short-term as in he would come home from work for lunch and be surprised we were there – despite the fact we’d been there for two days. And the same scenario would repeat at dinner. And sometimes at breakfast. It’s hard to forget the Sons of Thunder.

He could be a little crusty at times, and he worked too hard and for too long. But he loved his wife, he loved his son and he loved his daughter.

And I am forever in his debt. Because he was the one who said “her mother and I” when the minister asked who was actually going to let The Dress marry me. Dad No. 2 didn’t even hesitate.

I owe him that.

I got the call in the car on the way to taking the eldest Son to school. He’s pretty sharp and figured something big happened. So I explained as best I could, and he seemed okay.

“So now he can go back to dancing with Mimi,” he said, more as a statement than a question.

Yes. Yes he can.

There’s nothing in the world like an old-fashioned, Southern steamer pot. We threw this for some friends in Alaska and they thought they’d died and gone to heaven. Corby’s mom, Eddie, came to visit once and we made this for her. The kicker was John thought he bought way to much food, figuring we would have some the next day. But no, the three of us sat there and ate the entire thing. This is the perfect big party food. You can even have everyone bring something and just throw it all in the pot. You will love this and will eat like there’s no tomorrow, just ask Eddi. 

2 pounds of uncooked shrimp (peeled or unpeeled)

1 pound of polish kielbasa

4 ears of corn

5-6 red or new potatoes

1 big steamer pot

Crab boil or Old Bay seasoning

Put a lot of water in a large, large pot and let it get going on the stove on high heat. Add a couple of boxes of crab boil or a lot of Old Bay or some other type fish seasoning. John actually uses this huge pot with a stand that he hooks up to a propane tank. (He gets serious about this dish). After coming to a boil, turn the temperature down until it’s still steaming but not boiling.

Cut up the sausage into half-inch chunks and throw them in the pot. Take the corn, break each ear in half and toss them in as well. Take the potatoes (peel part of the skin, but leave some) and cut up in halves, quarters or whatever. Throw them in.

After about 20 minutes, test the doneness by inserting a fork in the corn and potatoes. The fork should g through the potato easily. When that happens, throw in the shrimp, cover it back up and steam another 5-7 minutes. The shrimp should be pink. You can also add crab legs or crawfish to this dish.  Just throw them in the same time you throw in the shrimp.

The best way to go from here is to strain out the water and find a huge bowl. Or, get a bunch of newspapers spread out and just pour the food right on there and let everyone pick and choose what they want.

Remember, the more people you have, the more food you can add. You are limited only to the size of the pot.

As adults, we try and use “comforting” terms and ease into the discussion. We want to keep everything in balance and not upset anyone any more than needed. There are “feelings” to consider.

Yet after the last couple of days, my views are changing.  Kids, much more than adults, seem to realize life goes on. Yes, they will get upset and might even cry, but they too move on.

And such was the case with the Sons of Thunder and the discussion of the death of their beloved maternal grandmother, Mimi. 

The Sons knew something was up when they were interrupted from their Star Wars movie and asked to come outside. There were a couple of glances, I mean, there are rules and one just doesn’t interrupt Star Wars.

So they come outside and sit down with us and notice the Little Black Dress is crying.  And they have gotten use to seeing that over the last few months. But being the kids they are, they go over and hug her.

And The Dress starts in explaining that Mimi has been sick for a long time and sometimes people just get tired and at some point God wants us with Him in heaven and our bodies only last so long and …

“You mean she died?” interrupted Son No. 2

And so it was out; just like that.

And after a quick glance through the window to get an update on Star Wars The Sons gathered around The Dress and said they were sorry.

After a couple of minutes of that, Son No. 3 looked up and said, “Can we go watch our movie now?”

And thus ended the Life/Death Lesson.

Granted, Son No. 1 stayed around a while. He’s older and he also has same heart as The Dress.  Later he pulled me aside and said we should “go to the store” to get The Dress something nice in remembrance of Mimi.  He somehow also found a way to slide in there that they – The Sons – probably should get something too.

You know, something to remember Mimi by, like an IPod or something.

We’ll at least award points for trying.

Since it was close to dinner, we decided to order in Chinese from The Dress’s favorite restaurant. And of course this was the only day it was closed. So that idea fell by the wayside.

And then one of The Sons piped in with ordering pizza, because Mimi loved pizza.

Really?

And another Son piped in with ordering from Papa John’s, which was immediately echoed by the other two. And their rationale was quite interpretive.

Basically, it went something like this: Mimi loves pizza (debatable); it has “Papa” in it (true, and their grandfather’s nickname); and it has my name, John (okay, true again).

So they get at least two out of three and so that’s what we have. The celebration of Mimi’s life, complete with pizza.

Later that night The Dress called me upstairs into the our bathroom.   Someone had gotten into “her things,” namely, lipstick. One simply does not get into The Dress’s “things.”

Yet on the vanity mirror Son No. 1 had written – in lipstick:

sorry mimi

died love

you from

caleb

And The Little Black Dress cried, but she also smiled.

And there never was a discussion about getting into her “things.”