You run your race.”

Secretariat, the movie

This knowledge is laser-focused when it comes to movies.  Mention a specific movie and he is out of the room.  There is absolutely no way he will watch it. And, he will tell you in great detail why he won’t watch it and even the exact time when whatever it is that scares him happens in the movie.

I admire this ability.  He knows what he knows.  He knows what he can and can’t handle.  We adults could learn a little from this.

There is a problem.  Namely, there is no rational explanation as to why one movie scares him and another doesn’t.  And this, on occasion, has led to death threats from the other two Sons of Thunder because their sibling absolutely will not watch a movie everyone has their heart set on.

Completely irrational. 

For example, he can watch Darth Vader all day long.  That guy just gives me the creeps, although the voice is pretty cool.  That’s especially true when the youngest Son looks at me and goes “Dad, I am your son” in the Earl Jones tone.

That scene when Skywalker – the soon-to-be Darth Vader – gets all melted up in the lava?  No problem.  However, any other movie with a “scary face” or pigs walking through mud or a house with one too many windows – game over.

Example: last night the clan voted to watch the latest installment of Indiana Jones.  Now the Little Black Dress and I couldn’t remember any real scary parts, but the middle Son sure did.  And again, reminded us of them point by point.  And of course the other two Sons thought that all sounded great and began questioning the manliness of their middle brother.

This does happen with some degree of regularity.  The middle Son simply refuses to watch the selected movie for whatever scene and then I go through my litany of movies he does watch that have scarier scenes and how does he explain that and it’s just a movie and can’t you agree with your brothers and we want to have family time and  …

So we watch the movie.

Okay, so I forgot about the man-eating crickets or whatever that drag the guy down into their pit.  And the aliens were a little creepy when they were sucking the life-force out of the Russian scientist.

I screwed up.  But having the middle Son repeatedly remind me that he reminded me beforehand was, well, getting out of hand. I got it.

And it also meant he got to sleep in our room because he got scared – as he told us he would. So it was paybacks, cause there’s no kissing and stuff with the LBD when the kids are sleeping with us. Well, maybe some kissing, but no “stuff.”

Apparently, the movie also seemed to impact the two previously macho Sons as well, who soon found their way to our bedroom.  Let’s just all camp out, shall we?  Whee.

So I asked the other two if the movie was a little scarier than they planned.  And they admitted it was.  And admitted they were a little hard on their brother. And admitted their brother was probably right – with the “this time” caveat.

I realized in this little episode there’s nothing wrong with having fears. And it’s great to know your fears, if for no other reason than to be able to avoid them, or at least know how to handle them when they come up.  For too many, the greatest fear is that of the unknown.

Might be a good idea for the other two Sons to learn what they fear – before they have to face it.

Or, from a scriptural standpoint, “Fear Not.”

- Those who sit quietly watching, letting the movie unfold before them. Waiting with anticipation to see what occurs next. That would be me.

- Those who ask questions. Not the “what did he/she just say” because they didn’t hear it. No, these are the types of questions that are asked before something happens. These are the types who want to know what happens before it happens. That would be the Little Black Dress and the Sons of Thunder.

These two types should never watch movies together. Nothing pleasant ever comes out of said shared viewing, and there will be repercussions.

Case in point: It’s Friday night and therefore family movie night. Tonight’s feature is Hidalgo – a movie about a great long-distance horse race across the Arabian deserts. Let’s enjoy, shall we?

Or not.

Because we’re not three minutes into the movie before the Sons of Thunder start firing away: “what’s the horse’s name?; why is it that color?; who’s that guy?; what’s the letter say?; why’d they shoot that Indian?; why are they at a rodeo?; who’s that girl?; why are they on a train?; why’s he going to race in another country?’ where’s Arabia?; are those guns real?; can we have some more popcorn?”

Lord help me, because I just lose it. And in my most authoritative voice say, “Listen … and you will learn.” And after every question I say the same thing because as soon as they ask the question, it gets answered within seconds in the movie.

And I keep saying, “listen … and you will learn,” followed by “see, they just answered your question. If you will just LISTEN … YOU WILL LEARN.”

And it’s about that time the Little Black Dress uses that sweet little syrupy voice and says, “now dad, this is a wonderful educational opportunity, you should explain it to them so they understand.”

And I’m like, well, if they LISTEN … THEY WILL LEARN.

So the Little Black Dress just smiles and says, “now boys, you need to be quiet so your “father” can watch his movie. I’ll explain it to you if you come over here to me.”

It’s the way she said, and enunciated  “father” that did it. You know, that condescending tone women can get.

Well, let’s just flash forward to the American Idol finale where the winner is about to be announced. The Little Black Dress does not miss American Idol. Ever.

And so they’re about to announce the winner and the Sons of Thunder start firing away with questions.

And out of the pits of Hades comes this voice: “LISTEN … AND YOU WILL LEARN AND IF I MISS THIS JUST REMEMBER I BROUGHT YOU INTO THIS WORLD AND I CAN TAKE YOU OUT!!!!”

And so the Sons of Thunder look at me and I look at them and we don’t say a friggin word. Because we look over at the Little Black Dress, or whether where the Little Black Dress was. And in her place is this huge cloud of billowing smoke and fire and lightening – think Sith Lord/Sauron/Mount Doom all combined into one.

We may be dumb, but we’re not stupid. And no one says a thing.

Except me. Because let’s face it, I simply can’t resist.

And in my sweetest voice I say “honey, this is a wonderful education opportunity and you should explain it to them so they understand.”

And then I duck just in time before the River of Fire spews out of the Little Black Dress’ mouth towards me.

Later that night I think this really is – seriously – a wonderful chance to teach the Sons of Thunder something about life. And that’s that we as a society talk way too much, but we don’t listen.

We focus on what we want to say, and rarely hear the other person. We talk, we e-mail, we text, we video, we twitter, we do all sorts of things to get our message out, but we don’t stop and listen.

You’ve probably noticed the tag line beneath the title of this blog is “Speak only to improve the silence.” I really believe that. Noise is just noise. Contribute to the conversation, don’t be the conversation.

So I’m thinking of all this as we’re putting the Sons of Thunder to bed. And after prayers I pull them all together and remind them that we should listen first, because we will learn more.

And I point out that God gave us two eyes and two ears, yet only one mouth. “You see, that means we should listen and watch twice as much as we talk,” I tell them.

“If God wanted us to talk more, he would have given us two mouths and only one ear,” I added.

And Sons of Thunder No. 2 looks at me with total disbelief and says, “Uh Dad, that would be pretty dumb on God’s part, we’d look silly.”

So that lesson went over pretty well.

And out of the blue comes this deep, threatening voice: “I killed a man with this thumb.”

Okay, so I freak.

And I look over at the Little Black Dress with this “what the heck was that and do I dare look back” kinda glance and she’s got her hand over her mouth and it’s obvious she’s about to bust a gut with one of those laughs. That laugh being the one where you can’t hold it anymore and you basically just blow snot out.

Please note I never said the Little Black Dress has snot. You may have read into that, but I never said it.

So I glance back and go “what?” or something along those lines.

And I hear it again – “I killed a man with this thumb.”

By this time the Little Black Dress is basically on the floor trying to hold back with tears coming out – the whole deal. And I’m like thinking there’s some Freddie Kruger guy in the back seat and she’s laughing?

And then I hear from Sons of Thunder No. 1, “No, it’s like this: ‘I killed a man with this thumb’” in an even deeper and more menacing voice.

The Little Black Dress has now lost it.

So I glance in the back seat using the rear view mirror and see all three Sons of Thunder holding up their thumbs and doing the line. And each one of them are going, “no, no, it’s like this.”

So then I pretty much lose it too, because it is pretty friggin funny watching them compare thumbs.  But I’m also somewhat perplexed/concerned because my five-year-old basically admitted murdering a guy, and with his thumb no less.

So I’m laughing and also thinking, “why am I laughing?”

Apparently the Little Black Dress had already heard all this before; so she explained it was a line from the movie “Ratatouille.” Which in case you don’t know is about rats cooking in a French restaurant. Just look it up.

So we finally get out of the car and I ask the Sons of Thunder to repeat all that – complete with the proper thumb technique.

So they do, or at least tried. But it was pretty clear they didn’t think I had the thumb action down quite right.

But I think they appreciated my attempts.

And we would call that a good day.