When You Do Something Really, Really Dumb

Jul 5, 2010 by winjaw

First, you start kicking yourself.  Second, you start rehashing with “how could I do that” and “why didn’t I just…”

Third, the comedy of errors kicks in and things just get worse.  I mean, they get so much worse you either walk off the plank or just sit down and laugh.  I think I did both.

The eldest Son of Thunder and I were going to take one of the waverunners out for a little spin.  Wind was blowing hard, big waves, lots of big boats out celebrating the Fourth.  We would get very wet. It would be ideal.

But first, needed to fill up with a little fuel.  And that’s when things fell apart. Because I was obviously thinking about something else and not about putting gas into the waverunner.  Because as soon as I started to fill it up, gas came right back out.

I knew the tank was almost empty, so I tried again. Same thing.  And that’s when I realized I was pumping gas into the oil reservoir.  

Now, before everyone starts going all “you idiot” on me, please don’t. I’ve already taken care of that.  Furthermore, I’ve filled this thing a hundred times.  I just had a mind melt or brain fart or something.

The only thing I can say in my defense is the oil reservoir and the gas tank lids look identical.  Both have big black screw-off caps – the same size no less. And, the opening of the oil reservoir is wide, just like a fuel reservoir.  I mean, you can fit the fuel handle inside the oil reservoir.

Basically, you can’t tell the difference.  Other than the oil can symbol on the cap of the oil reservoir.  Just sort of missed that this time for some reason.

Anyway, we’ve already unloaded the waverunner from the lift, so I try and start the engine to at least drive the beast machine back up on the lift, because there is no way we can pull it up manually.

Big mistake, as I learn later.  The waverunner starts, but has no power and there’s a little smoke and I can’t get it up the lift anyway and so I just shut it down.

I call the area waverunner dealer and the first thing he says, after a long pause, is, “make sure you don’t try and start it.”

Oh great.

So the plan is to take it by trailer down to the dealer, where they will try and flush the system.  My only solace is the service manager tells me I’m not the first to play stupid.  In fact, he has two machines in the shop right now because of the exact same dumbness.

That’s comforting.

And then it everything just gets worse.

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Did I mention earlier that there was a lot of wind?  And there were a lot of really big boats?  Those two forces combined created some seriously high waves.  And my poor son is just getting slammed by waves, which are throwing him into the waverunner and knocking him down and …

So the Little Black Dress comes out to help.  And then I have to jump in and help to manhandle the waverunner onto the trailer.  Of course, the waves are not cooperating and we are having a heck of a time.  We get it on, the waves knock it off. We try again, same thing.

Finally I hook the strap on and just start winching the beast up on the trailer.  We should have just gone sailing.

But we get it all the way up on the trailer and tied down.  I start the Suburban up to pull it out of the water and immediately am stuck in the rocks.  The wheels are just spinning. So I back deeper into the water and try to go up the shore at more of an angle.  Still can’t do it.

I guess at this point I was given a little grace, because I get it up on the third try and start heading up the hill.

You know that saying of “from bad to worse?”  Had it. In spades.

Because the trailer is really bumpy.  And I glance back through my sideview mirror and see that the left tire on the trailer has basically shredded.  I’m essentially riding on the rim.

So now I have the waverunner on a trailer, but the trailer has no tire and there is no spare.  Oh, and somehow one of the wooden slats that holds the waverunner on the trailer broke, and knocked the waverunner off kilter a little and smashed into the plastic fender over the tire.  And the fender is broken.

So I do what any self-respecting man would do.  I get out of the car and just stare at the tire and start muttering to myself.  A lot.

To recap the scene: I have a waverunner with gas in the oil reservoir. Said waverunner is finally on a trailer.  Said trailer has a shredded tire; there is no spare.  Said trailer also has a broken support beam so even if I could replace the tire I can’t use the trailer anyway.

I call a wrecker company.  The plan is to get one of their flat bed trucks and just put the trailer with the waverunner on it and take the whole thing down to the dealer.

That was yesterday.

Today, I’m writing this blog, drinking some coffee and staring at my front yard.  On my front yard sits my Suburban, hitched up to a trailer, which has the waverunner on it.

And I’m waiting for the wrecker.  And waiting to see what else today will bring.