Testing A Long-Time Friendship … Quickly

Aug 16, 2010 by winjaw

(Update 4:50 p.m. – apparently the LBD is concerned this post does not have enough “fawning” and bowing and thank yous. Edit at the end)

The test itself is relatively simple. Load up the car, the Little Black Dress, the three Sons of Thunder and yours truly. Hit the road.

And then deposit said group at your closest friends’ homes – for a week at a time. Oh yes, 17 days of pure ultimate testing. Amateurs need not apply. To ensure we had some chance of success, the two cats and little rat dog were left at home.

The purpose was two-fold. Giving The Dress and Thunder Sons a chance to see old friends back in Georgia. Allowing me the opportunity for some speaking engagements and book signings for Everyone Needs A Sam.

The (victims) friends: (I will leave out full names to protect, well, everyone). “J” and “S.K.,” their two children (their eldest son is best friends with the youngest Thunder Son (follow?)), two dogs, two cats; second was “E” and “C,” no children, two dogs, three cats.

Just a few observations:

– Panic rooms. An interesting concept for those concerned about their safety. Yet every house needs an “escape room.” Said room is best located away from others. It also helps if there is a stereo system that would suffice in any IMAX theater. These are perfect rooms to go into, light a candle, turn down the lights.

And then turn up the music as loud as possible. And just scream for a few minutes. You will then come out completely refreshed. Back to entertaining.

– When your home suddenly doubles in inhabitants, it helps to work away from the home. Unfortunately, “J” works at home sometimes, like when we visited. For some reason, “J,” who has taken up cycling (the pedal kind), would leave at odd times to go “ride.” The fact it was 98 degrees with an even higher humidity rate didn’t seem to deter him.

– Without an escape room as mentioned above, there are other options. “C” would, as they say in the South, “take to the bed” every now and then. And “S.K.” seemed to need to “go to the store” a few more times. I will say that “S.K.” is far and away the calmest person I have ever met. I have never seen her mad, I never want to.

– “E” worked at an office. It is imperative you give those who work at an office a few minutes at least to unwind before unleashing the Sons on them. Having three Thunder Sons firing questions and jumping on you as soon as you walk in the door takes practice. “E” should be commended.

– Those without children do not understand the concept of kid food. Those incredible gourmet meals, after a few days, soon turn into anything you can heat in a microwave. This is especially true when they realize the $300 in groceries they just bought were gone within 24 hours. Some refrigerators have locks. There is a reason for this.

– “C” offered to take the Sons of Thunder to the grocery store. “C” is a saint and I love her and therefore was very concerned about her safety. She assured me everything was fine. She came back from the store with the Thunder Sons and a very interesting look on her face. Apparently, the Sons were in “rare” form, which is just an expression because they are almost always in “rare” form. But “C” immediately went to her Facebook page and wrote on her wall. It said something along the lines that she would never glare, stare, make snide comments or any other negative thing when some mother was in the grocery store with her children.

– Your clothes will smell funny. Not in a bad way, but your friends will not use the same detergent you use, and you will spend an extraordinary amount of time explaining that not all detergents smell the same. An aside, “E” has a special place in heaven. His dad was in the dry cleaning business and one day he folded all the laundry. And it was like professionally done, and I’m looking at The Dress pointing it out and she’s looking at me like “speak and die.” But thanks “Ed”
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– Different families put different things on their peanut butter and (fill in the blank) sandwiches. Personally, I never tried such a sandwich with strawberry jelly. I drew the line at grapes.

– Always ask before using a man’s grill. Some welcome you; others consider it on a level of kissing their wife or kicking their dog. Both “J” and “E” charred some awesome food groups. And I was honored when they allowed me to touch their grill. But I did ask first.

– Those super duper, never run out of ice again, ice makers? Yeah, right. Hit the convenience store and pick up bags of ice. Lots of ice.

– The term “I need alone time” is not just for adults. Best friends, even under the age of 10, need “alone time” from each other. Finding where said child can have “alone time” when there are kids in every room is another subject.

– Blow up air mattresses rank up their with the microwave, ice maker and sliced bread. Just don’t try and blow them up without using some electrical device. Just trust me.

– Garbage does not double. It quadruples. Be prepared.

– Never, ever, ever, let the favored cat of your landlords out of the house if said cat is not ever, ever supposed to be out of said house.

– I am very proud of The Dress. She shared a bathroom with yours truly and the three Sons. We are still married. Life is good.

– There is nothing that a good (case) glass of wine can’t cure at the end of the day among friends.

To “J” and “S.K.,” and “E” and “C,” all we can say is thank you. You have stood the test, we are in your debt.

And yes, we understand the phrase “paybacks.”

(I thought I ended it quite nicely. But not according to LBD)

So … Here’s the additional fawning, thank yous and our life is not complete without you part.

Everyone happy now?