Weekend Column – Yes I’m Serious

Oct 13, 2014 by winjaw

A few random observations today:

I do the majority of grocery shopping for our clan. There are a couple of reasons. The main one is that the Little Black Dress gets what she herself calls “sensory overload” any time she is in a grocery store, or any store for that matter.

She has a short shopping list for dinner. She gets home with the SUV’s suspension groaning from all the stuff. We unpack what amounts to our mortgage bill and still don’t have anything for dinner.

So I handle it.

Anyway. I’m at the grocery store putting said groceries on the conveyor belt at the checkout line. The nice checkout person asks me if I found everything I needed. They always do this, must be company policy. I always say “yes.”

But I’ve always wondered what would happen if I said “no.” Something tells me it would be like dividing by zero.

I mean, if I’m standing in line to checkout, wouldn’t one make an easy assumption that I have everything I need? Most people would ask an employee while they were still shopping where such and such was. It doesn’t seem like a smart idea to not find something, go to checkout, and then say “no” to the aforementioned question.

Does that mean everything stops and they go and find what I couldn’t? Does everyone in line behind me just have to sit there and wait until some employee finds my whatever?

Then I have to slide my card and squint to read so I can hit the right button as to whether I’m paying by credit, debit, autopay, layaway or something. Then I always forget to response to the “cash back” question and the polite clerk looks at me with a “haven’t you ever done this before?” look and goes “cash back?” because we aren’t going any further until I hit yes or no.

The final question on the scanner is what riles me. “Is this amount correct?” That would be a no. Paying the equivalent of a car payment for two meals worth of food is not the correct amount.
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– A bill has been introduced in Congress called the Eliminating Pornography from Agencies Act. Apparently, it’s legal for federal employees to watch porn at work.

“It’s appalling that it requires an act of Congress to ensure that federal agencies block access to these sites at work,” said the bill’s sponsor, Rep. Mark Meadows (R-NC). Let that sink in for a moment.

– If you’ve had a Red Bull energy drink in the past 12 years, you can claim $10 as part of a $13 million settlement. Red Bull’s slogan was “Red Bull gives you wings.” Apparently, it doesn’t and a class action lawsuit was filed. Obviously, someone was out to make a quick buck. Or they actually thought drinking Red Bull would, indeed, give them wings. People like that should not be allowed to breed. Which brings me to my next ramble …

– Some people with iPhones are in an uproar over a particular app, namely the “hand warmer” one. You turn on the app and glowing red bars appear, similar to what you’d see with one of those small electric floor heaters. People are complaining said app doesn’t actually heat up and warm their hands. First World problems.

– And finally, courtesy of the Lincoln (Nebraska) Star: The Lincoln School District wants to do away with “gendered space.” I didn’t know what it meant either. Basically, teachers aren’t to use the terms “boys” and “girls” because it means those of the transgender persuasion might feel left out.

There’s even a handbook for teachers called “12 easy steps on the way to gender inclusiveness.” One of the 12 steps said, “Don’t use phrases such as ‘boys & girls,’ ‘you guys,’ ‘ladies and gentlemen,’ and similarly gendered expressions to get kids’ attention” … Instead say things like ‘calling all readers,’ or ‘hey campers’ or ‘could all of the athletes come here.’ Create classroom names and then ask all of the ‘purple penguins’ to meet at the rug.”

Yeah. I’d love to see the reaction the first time one of the SONS of Thunder is called a purple penguin.

Until next time.