Sunday’s Column: Three Big Words

Mar 16, 2015 by winjaw

Growing up, there were certain phrases I heard more than once from my parents.

The fact I had to hear them more than once would lead one to conclude I had a tendency to forget the correct response. That conclusion would be correct.

One of those phrases was, “And what do you say?” Note this is not the same thing as, “What did you say?”

The latter would lead to a cleansing involving soap and, depending on the choice of words, a visit to my parents’ bedroom. Once there, a particular belt would be selected from my father’s closet and, well, let’s just leave it at that. There are some childhood memories I really don’t care to remember.

There were two primary instances when the “And what do you say?” phrase would spring forth from my parents’ mouths. The first involved the receiving of some gift.

As soon as I touched said gift, my parents were throwing out the “And what do you say?” line. Honestly, it’s like I didn’t get a chance to breathe or even take a gulp of air to respond in time. And my parents would give me the parental eye.

You know the one. A simple glance that spoke volumes. Those volumes being along the lines of “if you don’t say thank you before I finish this glance and embarrass me in front of my parents/friends/boss/neighbor/postman/ladies auxiliary for thinking I didn’t raise you to be a polite young gentleman who immediately says thank you and why haven’t you said it yet because if you don’t right now you won’t be sitting for a week” kind of glance.

It got to the point where I said “thank you” before even knowing what I was being thankful for. This could get awkward occasionally, like when someone handed me a trash bag – “thank you!!” – and told me to go pick up the dog’s “business” from the yard.

The other phrase was, “I’m sorry.” This does not refer to being a terrible or worthless human being, but rather as an apology. My parents were rather adamant that when one screwed up, one admitted it pronto.

The phrase, “Yes, but …” just wasn’t acceptable. One owned up to one’s mistake in their world. The devil made me do it, the everyone else is doing it, the he/she did it first, and the fill in your blank excuse just didn’t cut it.

I continue to hear “thank you” quite a bit. That’s especially true the farther south one travels in this land.
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“I’m sorry.” Not so much.

It seems the older I get, the less I hear that term. Instead, I hear a litany of excuses, explanations or even silence.

Has an apology now become a sign of weakness? Does admitting to a screw-up, whether intentionally or not, make you less of a man or woman? How often do we hear some high-priced athlete, politician, CEO, or celebrity actually fall on their sword and just admit they made a mistake? Too rare I’m afraid.

I remember back in my college days attending a literary class. The professor asked for input on the dumbest (okay, he used a more scholarly term) line we had ever read or seen in a movie.

I knew this one. “‘Love Story’ starring Ryan O’Neal and Ali MacGraw,” I shouted out. “Love means never having to say you’re sorry.”

I knew I was right because my mom told me so. The movie first came out in 1970. I remember watching it with her at some time and when that line was uttered by MacGraw’s character, my mother responded with, “That’s the dumbest thing I have ever heard.” I can only assume she was including my various transgressions, so naturally I had to agree.

Saying “I’m sorry” is not a sign of weakness. It’s a sign of strength. Anyone can brag on their accomplishments, but who can admit their failings, and, more importantly, how they will do better next time?

Friday morning I headed to the car to take the SONS to school. The trash can was still there. I turned to Eldest and asked why he didn’t take it up to the curb. He took a deep breath, the kind you take when you are about to say seven paragraphs in three seconds. There was a pause.

“I’m sorry,” he said. And I smiled and said okay. All is not lost.

Until next time.