The Little Black Dress, The Little Blackberry

Apr 20, 2009 by

There are certain milestones that mark a man: a driver’s license, diploma, first job, marriage, children, a new Blackberry.

Yes, these are how we are defined; what determines our destiny; what …

Okay, I’m blowing smoke.

The point of this post is in part about the Little Black Dress and my new toy – the Blackberry Bold. Yep, 3G, wifi, GPS, 2 mp camera (okay, not that great), updated version .267. I mean it slices, it dices, it’s a phone, the ultimate messaging device (text, video, e-mail, smoke signals), a video/audio player, an electric shaver – everything.

It’s my fourth BB, which the Little Black Dress now refers to as “my girlfriend.” I mean my girlfriend, not hers.

And it is funny when one of her friends calls and asks how I’m doing and the Little Black Dress says “he’s playing with his girlfriend.” And there’s this really long pause on the other end and then she explains and everyone laughs.

For a while.

Because at some point, the Little Black dress asks ever so sweetly: “are you still playing with your girlfriend?”

Which translated means “get off that thing now and talk to me or I will show you the true meaning of ‘crackberry.'”

My mother did not raise a fool.

So the girlfriend disappears.

But we do try and introduce the two. In fact, I offered her my old Blackberry. And before every woman rips me for not getting her a new one and why does she get a hand-me-down and what kind of husband would do that and …

It’s her first. And I thought it would be wise to “ease” her into the crackberry world and make sure she’s happy. Then I’ll get her whatever she wants.

I mean you wouldn’t give a new driver a Mercedes would you? And right about now the Little Black Dress is saying ‘why not’ and I’m not going to win this argument so why don’t we move along.

So I’m all excited about teaching her the finer things of Blackberrys. I mean seriously – the Little Black Dress with a Blackberry? How hot is that? If you don’t have one and a significant other, that last sentence won’t make sense. Others will get it.

So life will be good.

So I start showing her some simple things and she just looks at me and says “how do I make a call?”

Which translated means “I do love you and I’m willing to try out this crackberry thing for you, but if this becomes some complicated thing that makes calling my girlfriends a pain when I just gave up a perfectly good  phone then I will show you the true meaning of crackberry.”

So we covered the basic phone stuff. And I’m easing into the whole e-mail/calendar/browser/tasks/etc thing. Because it’s all about timing. And if I hit it wrong she gives me that look.

Which translated means “As I said, I am willing to try this, but if will be when I’m ready and I don’t have three kids yelling at me and I’m not trying to clean up the house for some prospective buyer and not trying to pack up for our move and if you push me on this thing I will show you the true meaning of crackberry.”

Hey, it’s baby steps. At least she knows the term ‘crackberry.’

So I uploaded her favorite songs to her Blackberry and got her some great earphones. And after showing her all this and how to work it, I pointed out that when she’s on her morning walk she could use her phone to listen to music or talk with her girlfriends – an all-in-one device.

And the Little Black Dress smiled at that.

My mother did not raise a fool.

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