Cue The Headlines

May 12, 2016 by

So …

The phrase, “you can’t make this stuff up” is often heard in newsrooms.

Let’s scan the headlines to prove my point.

What if I told you there was a presidential candidate who was best know for: wanting to build a wall on our southern border with Mexico and make that country pay for it; stopping all immigration of Muslims; making fun of other candidates’ wives; and not having a problem nuking Europe if need be.

What if I told you that individual was Donald Trump, best known for firing people on television? Oh, and now the presumptive Republican nominee for president.

Yeah.

Then there is Stacy Pincus from Chicago. She is suing Starbucks for $5 million. And no, she did not spill a latte on herself and got burned, not realizing coffee is hot.

No, she’s suing because there is too much ice in the Starbucks iced drinks.

Let’s just mull that one for a second.

Okay, back to la-la land. Pincus said the 24 ounce iced drink only has about 14 to 16 ounces of fluid, not 24. In other words, we are paying for 24 fluid ounces, but not getting that much. So there’s a lawsuit.

Here’s my favorite part of the filing: “Essentially, Starbucks is not only underfilling its cold drinks compared to how they are advertised, but it is charging a premium price for them as well,’ the filing reads.

“Starbucks’s cold drinks are underfilled to make more money and higher profits, to the detriment of consumers who are misled by Starbucks’s intentionally misleading advertising practices.”

Obviously Starbucks should stick to hot drinks.

Starbucks used words like “frivolous and without merit,” in their response. Why don’t we just say, “get a life” and move on.

“Our customers understand and expect that ice is an essential component of any ‘iced’ beverage,” a company spokesperson said, completing the “duh” moment. “If a customer is not satisfied with their beverage preparation, we will gladly remake it.”

So we have a potential president best known for his hair and being a reality television star, a woman who has problem with ice in her iced drink, and some kid out in Indiana.

Said kid is about 12 years old. I don’t know his name, but he was on television being escorted out of a Ted Cruz rally – by police no less.

While Cruz was begging a small rally to vote for him over the aforementioned Trump, the kid yells out “YOU SUCK.” For those not in the know, writing in all caps is the same as shouting.

Something tells me the kids parents, who are obviously quite proud of this derelict, are Trump supporters. And something tells me this episode is going to be this kid’s only accomplishment in life unless he gets a life.

I am not fond of Cruz. The fact all of his fellow senators hate his guts should tell you something. But I did admire his response:

“I appreciate you sharing your views. One of the things that hopefully someone has told you, is that children should actually speak with respect … you know in my household, when a child behaves that way, they get a spanking.”

For a single moment, Cruz was “the man.”

On a happier note, I am pleased to report the Little Black Dress’ ta-tas are just fine.

She got a very official letter from the place that tries to squish women’s breasts into some shape they should not be in to do the exam.

“I am pleased to report that your exam showed NO evidence of breast cancer. The report has been sent to your referring doctor. (excellent)

“Although your exam shows no evidence of cancer, it may show “benign findings.” Benign findings of the breast can be thought of as normal variations and do not require further work up or additional follow-up. (okay, no problem.)

“As you may be aware, some breast cancers may not be visible on mammography.” (Wait, what?)

So … we know the LBD does not have breast cancer based on the cancers they can see, but for those they can’t …

What next, Hillary Clinton running for president again?

Until next time.

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