Lord Of The Flies – Lite

May 19, 2009 by winjaw

We’ll call it the Water War of 2009, which turned into a two-day event and ended up with more rules than the Geneva Convention.

The occasion: Eleventh birthday of the eldest Sons of Thunder

The setting: In front of the Castle battlegrounds.

The event: BYOWG (Bring Your Own Water Gun); water balloons and MREs provided.

The problem: It’s raining cats and dogs and goats; oh yeah, and thunder – which became the problem.

Interesting question – do you have a water war when it’s raining? I mean, the intent of a water war is to get wet, but if you’re wet before it even starts, how do you determine the actual damage you inflict on the enemy?

But then there was the thunder. And the moms started calling to see if the war was still on because of the thunder. And I’m like, “we’re calling a war because of weather?”

And I get that look from the Little Black Dress and realize it’s probably better if I go make some more armaments, er, water balloons. My suggestion as I’m headed out to the armory is to wait a while – the party isn’t for three hours yet – and check the weather. That falls on deaf ears and plans are made to have everyone show up, do the presents/cake/hot dog thing and watch a movie. The war, scheduled for Saturday, is postponed to Monday.

Only women can postpone a war.

So the appointed battle time arrives and the kids come in and start to watch a movie. That lasts less than five minute. That’s because the eldest Sons of Thunder informs me there’s been no thunder for 20 minutes, and according to the subdivision pool rules, you are allowed back in the water after said 20 minutes of no thunder.

And I look over at the Little Black Dress, who overheard the above conversation and gave her a look, which basically meant “they’re going out for battle and not even you can stop it.”

And out they went.

I was very proud of the stockpile of ammunition I manufactured – more than 250 water balloons awaiting firing. When I was “in the zone” I managed to fill and tie-off one balloon about every 11 seconds.

Within two minutes and 17 seconds, every one of those friggin balloons was gone. Do you have any idea how long it takes to fill 250 water balloons? And not to mention the impact on my fingers from tying the little suckers.

And so over the next hour or so, the battle commenced. And of course because the moms wouldn’t listen to me, we did the whole thing over – complete with me tying another friggin 300 balloons – two days later.

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–  Kids today make up a lot of rules

–  Kids will argue over the actual meaning of said rules more than they will just have fun

– Kids seem to forget the nature of the actual event and its purpose. In this case, at least to me, a water gun/balloon war means you will get wet.

– That phrase “there’s no ‘I’ in team” holds little value at certain times. For example, if your so-called teammate is still dry and standing next to you, and you have two water balloons in your hand, “team” definitely becomes “I.”

– The most-used phrase, is “But DUDE, I’m on your team!!!!”

– Among the “rules” created, many on the spur of the moment and seconds before being attacked, included the classic “If I’m wearing a towel you can’t shoot me.”

– We were forced to create a “no-fire zone.” This was the “reloading” area and it was determined you could not face-plant a balloon on another while they were loading up their water gun. Ironic since said water gun was going to be used to blast said other member with the balloon.

– There were several arguments over the actual size of the no-fire zone, so I had to actually rope off an area for said no-fire zone. This of course led to new rules: 1. At what point did you have to cease-fire as a warrior approached the no-fire zone; 2. No firing out from inside the no-fire zone; 3. And how far out of the no-fire zone did someone actually have to be before you were allowed to fire.

– And then there were the rules based on your weaponry. Those with basic water guns and smaller versions of those super-soaker type things were given carte blanche. However, those with serious soakers – the kind that shoot a serious, hard-core spray of water similar to a fire hose, were limited in their areas of attack. Why, well you could put someone’s eye out, and some wore contacts and yada yada yada.

– Mud is an irresistable force that no boy can resist. It is in their genetic code.

– The Little Black Dress is more than capable of holding her own in any water war. However, when the makeup starts to run to the point that raccoon eyes appear, well, it’s just time to withdraw.

And so the Water War of 2009, the two-day, weather-affected battle, ended. There were a few arguments (rules interpretations mainly), a few sore feelings (mainly as to why someone was hit when they were on the same team).

But all was forgiven, transgressions forgotten, with one simple bribe.

Cookie cake.