How To Get Your House Cleaned Spotless – For Free

Oct 2, 2009 by winjaw

Yeah, I know, another “how-to.”

But let me ask you this. Ever seen some new idea hit the market and you slap your hand against your head, thinking to yourself, “That is so obvious, why didn’t I think of that?”

Me too.

I may not be able to patent this one, but I sure can share it.  And here’s the beauty of the whole thing: your spouse (ala Little Black Dress in this case) will clean the house. Spotless. And be cheery about it. And won’t make you feel guilty about it. And you’ll probably get a kiss to boot.

All hail the mighty powers of Clariton D.

As everyone knows, this over-the-counter drug contains Pseudoephedrine Sulfate 120/mg/nasal decongestant and Loratadine 5 mg/antihistamine.

You have no idea how hard that was to type. I’m afraid the spell check will implode.

Anyway, the precious Little Black Dress was feeling rather poorly and took one of these “12 hour” extended release tablets before going to bed.

Fast forward to the next morning.

I am awakened by light. And not sunlight streaming through the window kind of light. It’s more of an “aliens are approaching and are taking you back to the mothership for serious experiments”  kind of light. That kind of light you see in movies, but it’s coming from under the door.

So I open the door and am basically met by this blast. Think Mormon Tabernacle Choir singing the Hallelujah Chorus and not only is the sun directly on you, but every high-beam spotlight as well.

I go back to my room, put on sunglasses and try again.

“I cleaned the attic!!!!!!!!!” I hear.

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“I swept!!!!!!!!!!”

This would explain the rather large swaying semi-transparent object in front of me. Some sort of glob collection of dust and another paraphernalia. An aside: Yes, the LBD sweeps. A lot. With three Sons of Thunder, that’s either a given or we just go back to the 1800s and have a dirt floor.

But I think she swept the yard. And I mean swept, not raked.

“I hand washed every pot and pan and dish and glass and bowl and kitchen utensil we own!!!!!!!!!!!!”

“And I mopped!!!!!!!!!!!!”

That would explain why I’m on the floor. On my back.

Now, I’m as much of a morning person as the next guy. After several cups of coffee, after logging in and catching up, after my other morning rituals. After about two hours of this.

But the LBD was sounding more like, well, one of those morning DJs. At full volume. And really, really, really excitable.

I had to put a stop to this. One more !!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and I was going to, well, freak.  Plus she was reaching for the her sewing machine, and we have more clothes than space as it is.

But right about that time, she turned, gave me a big smile and said, “how does it look?”

And there weren’t any !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!, so I guess the stuff was wearing off.

All I know is I have a spotless house. And I have 29 more of these bad boys.