Another Rite Of Passage Is, Well, Passed

Dec 9, 2009 by winjaw

The youngest Son of Thunder has now joined his elder siblings in successfully completing his first Christmas Pageant/Songfest/Recital/Whatever.

He knew the majority of the words; had the hand movements down pretty pat. None of the other parents snickered and nudged each other while pointing at our youngest.  He did not pull up his shirt, he did not try and pull down another kid’s pants, he did not walk off stage, he did not fall off the back row of the riser.

The Little Black Dress and I are proud.  And relieved. I’m not quite sure who has the most pressure, kids or parents, in these little Significant Events of life.

However, being the observer of life that I am, a few notes and proposed rule changes are in order. 

First, 200 kindergarteners all “singing” at once is not really singing.  There was obviously a contest among the various classes for the Loudness Award.  That many kids, all trying to outdo each other, is best defined as a refined screech.

Second, no matter how much you try, your children up on stage under bright lights cannot see you in the darkened audience.  Jumping up and down, doing the double wave, will not have any effect.  Nor does whistling.

It’s sort of like trying to talk to someone who doesn’t understand your language, so you speak louder.  Not going to change the situation.
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Third, yes we all want to capture these precious moments.  But standing up  for several minutes is not conducive to making friends with those behind you.  The fact you are in the middle row compounds your neighbors’ frustrations.

And we appreciate those of you who at least went into the aisles.  However, using simple scientific deduction of angles of retraction and refraction will show you you’re still blocking people. Might I suggest you bend down at least?

Fourth, to those who still have the 80’s version of a “home video cam” approximately the size of what TV crews use – lose it.  We’re glad it still takes great pictures and you don’t see the need for one of those pocket versions.  However, everyone else knows they’re in trouble when you have to pack your equipment in a suitcase.  This is primarily because of the rather large beacon, er, light, that attaches to said video cam.  When you turn it on, we are reminded of the scripture – “And God said, let there be light.”  You successfully blinded not only the audience, but probably fried some of those pocket cams as well.

Maybe it’s me, but I think the introductions of all the teachers and helpers took longer than the songs.  I don’t want to sound jaded, because I seriously applaud the school for limiting the number of songs to single digits.  From all the parents, thank you.

And finally, I realize we live in a small town.  I realize there are a lot of cowboys and wannabe cowboys. And I love cowboy hats as much as the next dude, although I will point out my hat collection does not even equal one shelf rack of the LBD’s shoes.

Please remove your hats.