Everyone Needs A Sam – Chapter Four Excerpt

Jun 11, 2010 by

There are two chapters in my new book, Everyone Needs A Sam, that I believe will draw the most attention and comments. Chapter Four, titled “A Sam Is Not Always Your Spouse,” is one of them.

Over the next couple of weeks I’m running excerpts from my book.  I invite you to visit the Sam web site here, to read more about the book and learn how you can participate.

Sams are mentors, the ones who have your back and stand beside you.  You would think a spouse would be the best Sam possible. Sometimes they are, sometimes they aren’t.

Following is an excerpt from Chapter Four:  
I know the Little Black Dress will always support me. I know she will always have my back so to speak.I know she will give me the best advice she can knowing what all she knows — about the situation and about me.

And too often I go “yeah, yeah.” And that’s simply because I know she’s there. I know she has my best interests at heart. And I hear it a lot. It’s not that her opinion doesn’t carry weight, because it does, more than anyone else.

The contradiction is simple. Your spouse should be your Sam. But sometimes we just need an outside source. Maybe it’s because we sometimes get overloaded with all that spousal support. We (hopefully) get so much we just come to expect it.

I know my wife is my biggest supporter. But sometimes, I need to hear it from someone else. Sometimes, not always, I need another validation. And that last sentence raises the question: Why? Why do we need to hear from someone other than the one who cares about us more than anyone?

We just do.

The ones that really matter — our spouses, our greatest support system — are the very ones we ignore at times. And so we continue to piddle and mope while our spouse is banging us over the head with the “wake-up, reality check, listen to me because I love you, you can do this, I believe in you,” golf club.

But despite all the positive reinforcement, the truth is, sometimes we just need another voice. Someone not quite as close. Someone with a different perspective.Someone whose interest in us follows another path. Someone who might have a wider lens, or at least a different zoom.