I’ve Never Cooked Bacon That Way

Nov 16, 2010 by winjaw

At some point, I will politely be taken aside by rather burly assistant scoutmasters and informed that what happens at Boy Scout camp stays at said camp.

Observant readers will know this has yet to happen, because I can still type.  Yes, we survived another expedition, this time a two-night, sorta three-day excursion to the woods.

The event was billed as a “Camporee,” not to be confused with a “Jamboree” or a “Jambalaya.”

And even though I’m nearing the half-century mark, I am still amazed that I continue to learn new things. I was also reminded, as I watched the kids at camp, that I used to do some really dumb things when I was their age.  Sorta like watching yourself in a time warp.  

Growing up, we were never reminded to leave cell phones, PSPs, iPods and a myriad of other electronic devices at home. They didn’t exist. Oh, but they do now … and in spades based on the assortment of devices that really weren’t there, no sir Mr. Scoutmaster.

Learn from the Ninja: don’t go into your tent at night where everyone can see a slight glow illuminating from said tent. And don’t yell out “DIE, DIE, DIE,” “HOW DID HE KILL ME,” NO DUMMY, YOU’RE SUPPOSED TO GRAB THE RED ORB FIRST,” or “YOU ERASED MY GAME???!!!”

A final warning/caution/reminder from the scoutmaster that he loved electronic toys and never had enough convinced the boys said devices should be packed tightly away. With those out of the way, what shall we do? I know, let’s talk about them. Like how to get quad damage, how to get out of the lagoon with a loaded pack or the pros and cons of “fill in the blank” game. If they spent as much time on their school work as they did comparing notes and strategy on how to destroy whatever they were trying to destroy in whatever game it was, well ….

Okay, so it wasn’t that bad and the boys stayed busy. There was a carpentry merit badge to earn – a hand-built three-legged stool to be exact.

And there was cooking breakfast and dinner. Boys cooked for boys, dads for dads. If you guessed the boys’ menu consisted of pancakes, bacon and sausage for breakfast and hamburgers and hot dogs for dinner, you win the Obvious Prize.

The boys got to try out their new patrol boxes – basically a 5,173-pound wooden box with fold-down sides for tables. Apparently it’s supposed to be a portable kitchen; which is true if you have four Sumos on hand.

And they got to cook on two-burner stoves. Those stoves use propane. Propane can explode.  Sometimes the electric ignition switch doesn’t work. Thus, the need for a lighter to light said burner. And this is done by boys.

You are really wondering what happened next, aren’t you?

One of the things I really do like about the scout program is the older boys teaching the younger boys. It’s a passing down of knowledge thing. Teaching them things they were taught, like how to tie knots or set up a tent. How to not blow yourself up trying to light the buggy propane camp stove.

One survival lesson quickly taught is when you hear hissing from the stove, it means propane is escaping. This lesson includes two rules: one, turn off the propane first; two, do NOT try to light the stove at this point.

Lesson learned. No explosions.

One morning I was helping the boys cook. We were working on the bacon. A simple task, put the slices of bacon in the frying pan on the lit stove. Start cooking. I showed them how to get the right heat and when to flip the bacon and how to soak up the grease and …

The Comment came.

“I’ve never cooked bacon this way … I always use a microwave.”

And that’s why we have a scout program. To teach kids there is life beyond handheld electronic games and microwaves. You will survive without them for a few days. And you’ll learn how to really cook bacon.

A few other quick notes:

– Port-a-Potties should really come with a light inside. I’m sorry, that just goes without saying. And I’d appreciate a little hook to hang up my jacket. I’m willing to deal with the frozen seat because the boys before me forgot the time-honored home rule of LIFT THE SEAT UP WHEN YOU …” I just rather not try to  figure out where to put my jacket, cause it’s sure not going on that floor.

– Thirty-four degrees is cold when you step outside of your home. But it’s a brisk, nice cold. It’s freaking freezing when you’re in a nylon tent.

– Whatever temperature rating your sleeping bag has – just add about 20 degrees to it for real life experience

– Two camping necessities are ice and toilet paper. I’ve written about that before. Let me now add, and just for cold weather, wool/flannel socks. You will use these to sleep in during the 40-degree temperature drop. You will thank me because if you don’t, you’ll have to pull out your wife’s old woolly pink bunny slippers just to keep your toes circulating. And the other dads will make fun of you.

Causes of erectile dysfunction Either physiological or physiological health and hypertension one among cialis without prescriptions mastercard these causes. If you experience fatigue frequently and don’t recognise, then you definitely need to be tested. sugar, relying on the sort opacc.cv best levitra prices makes someone feels vulnerable, undergo ache, lose weight, benefit weight, and so forth. With the help of this medication man is able to withhold the stiffness of the penis for the long levitra 10 mg lasting erection with durable intercourse. Check the license of the drug store properly before you place the order for this viagra on, you have to log in to the site and purchase as you like. – The meals and desserts cooked by the dads for the other dads – using nothing but old Dutch ovens in the fire pit or on the camp stove – beat a five-star restaurant every time. Thanks guys.

– You really need to try a Peach Dump – cooked in nothing more than the above-mentioned Dutch oven with just a few pieces of charcoal.

– Boys and fire. The only attraction stronger won’t happen until they’re a little older and involves the opposite sex. Boys throw things in fires. Boys like explosions. I never heard of a bamboo bomb until this camping trip. And one of those bamboo bombs went off right next to me as I tried to just sit there quietly and get warm. “Bomb” is an appropriate term. Let’s just say we quickly ended that little experiment.

–  You always hope it’s not your kid who tries to light his butt by farting next to the fire. The eldest Son of Thunder, whom I accompanied on this trip, did not try that. The Little Black Dress will be proud.

– You always hope the scoutmaster doesn’t come up to you and start a sentence with “Your son …” or “I took this from your son because …” Eldest Son got nailed on that one. Live and learn.

– The big all-camp bonfire is fun. And it’s pretty neat when they load fireworks inside the bonfire and you watch them arc into the sky. But you realize you’re getting old when one of those fireworks falls over and then shoots out into the crowd and the first thing that comes to your mind is “someone is going to get their eye put out.”

– I admire all those “ultralite” and “minimalist” backpackers, who pride themselves on how little they can pack and fight over ounces. They use a 3-inch by 2-inch piece of cloth for a pillow. If that’s not you, trust me, bring a real pillow.

It was a fun trip. The kids worked hard. The dads worked harder. Our new campsite was actually a forest complete with 1,325-year-old undergrowth. Completely uninhabitable, much less tent-able. (yeah, I know, I made that word up.)

A few of the dads got together with some of their favorite toys to clear it out ahead of time. These toys involved things that needed gasoline, or better yet, diesel. Talk about deforestation. And afterward the boys all kicked in and picked up, raked up, cut up and then tossed all the remaining debris away.

Dads also helped build the new patrol boxes; others kicked in fixing up the new trailer to haul those behemoths in. We had a new fire pit thanks to the 2,351 rocks brought in, with dads and sons working together to make the perfect fire ring.

There was more, but the point was dads and sons just working together. Working to get meals ready, tents set up, merit badges earned, dumping electronics for a while.

It showed. Our pack not only won the camp inspection award, but Best Overall Unit. Congrats guys.

Not that I’m a glutton for this sort of thing, but this weekend I’d be taking the two younger Sons of Thunder on a Cub Scout overnight camp out. It will be just the three of us, and the first time we three have camped together without the Little Black Dress.

My only hope is she will trust me enough to let me pack for her sons. Because I know she’s already started a packing list, and I’ll need a truck and a trailer for this overnighter if she gets her way.

Stay tuned.