Sticker Shock

Jul 11, 2011 by winjaw

To say you need a small loan to buy groceries today is a cliché, which I hate using. So I won’t.

Oh wait.

Anyway. The Little Black Dress decided we needed some “family time.” Said time involving going to the movies, a rare occurrence in our family considering the plethora of DIRECTV, Netflix, 300-plus channels, an entire closet full of DVDs, and those old things called VHSs. The fact our family can never agree on just what we will watch from the aforementioned is for another blog.

Now, how driving to some big building to sit in the dark and then tilt your head back until your eyes bleed, which occurs right after your ears explode when the sound system kicks in, simply to watch something on a massive screen qualifies as “family time” is for yet another blog.

Nevertheless, The Clan is off to the movies.

I approach the nice young teenager behind the glass and pointing to The Clan, ask how much for us to have the privilege of sitting in the dark, tilting our heads back until our eyes bleed, which occurs right after our ears explode when the sound system kicks in.

“alkdjfsfa wiewiwt saalk aiewoht woieith aeaeifdd,” she responded.

“Excuse me?”

“a;ldkwwed $62.50 fewwaisad w0ofiiewsd oiweffad.”

Technology advancements are simply amazing. But it seems like we only “advance” those things we want to. For example, smart phones can now control the space shuttle, but you still can’t understand a word the other person is saying, and that’s if you even get a signal.

Or, as in this case, you can’t understand someone speaking into a basic squawk box. Or maybe the reason you can’t understand them is because the price they quote you just to see a movie is worth a second mortgage. And that’s probably why the sweet young girl sits behind unbreakable and bullet-proof glass – because you really want to reach over and slap some sense into her.

And she smiles at you. She smiles because she’s been trained to, but inside she is laughing her butt off at you for forking over that much money just so you can tilt your head back until your eyes bleed, which occurs right after your ears explode when the sound system kicks in. And this is a matinée, and two of The Sons qualify for the “kid” rate.

With the help of spinal manipulation and several other different chiropractic techniques, on the other hand, such discomfort caused by dysfunction will then be order generic cialis relieved easily without having to take some muscle relaxant or anti-inflammatory drugs. Normally, 1-2 doses are advised per week for 1-3 months pdxcommercial.com buy levitra online at a stretch. cheap levitra Nowadays even the young men are noted to facing the erection problems. The estimated fatality rate because of bulimia is normally ten percent. order tadalafil no prescription Now we are off to see a movie in 3D, which means I have to fork over an additional $3.50 per ticket so I can wear the silly little glasses that make 3D movies, well, 3D. I will say I put up with the four commercials before the movie started reminding me to return the glasses in the convenient drop-box. I will also say we did not return said glasses because I paid for them.

How about this? Rent the glasses for your precious $3.50. If we return them, we get our money back. If we don’t, you just made about $3.29 because those glasses probably cost about 21 cents each. But do not charge me for the glasses and then tell me to return them.

So let’s head off to the snack area shall we?

I felt like I was at a fast-food joint, because you can now order by number; sort of a package deal. And what a deal – we got two of the No. 1 specials. Said special involves one large popcorn and two medium drinks. Said specials, along with one bottled water for The Dress, came to $45.

I know how much popcorn costs and I make perfect popcorn. It costs me about a quarter to make enough to feed The Clan. My calculator exploded when I tried to figure the profit margin on kernels at the snack bar.

I also pointed out to The Dress she could have brought a glass of water from home, thus saving us $5.95. And that went over well. But if she’s happy with the ambrosia obviously contained in the bottled water that cost &5.95, well, so be it. The fact I can get the same bottle of water at a convenience store for 75 cents is irrelevant at this point.

And it was at that moment I realized a couple of things. Anyone who pays $8 for a tub of popcorn and $6 for one glass of carbonated water is an idiot. Anyone who can get someone else to actually fork over their money for said products is a marketing genius.

So I’m doing a bunch of calculations in my head. I figure The Clan can watch this exact same movie, eat as much popcorn as we want, drink whatever we want, sit in more comfortable chairs/couches, all with a similar ear-popping sound system, and with a bathroom within feet, for about $5.99.

The kicker being I can watch the exact same movie in my own house, but I would have to wait about a month. Let’s do the math.

Next time, we’ll just wait.

And I will stand my ground on that point. Stand until the final Harry Potter movie comes out because there is no way The Sons aren’t going to be first in line for that one.