Sunday’s Column: The LBD Rocks

Aug 18, 2013 by winjaw

With school back in session, I am waiting for the big science project to be assigned.

I am not worried, the Little Black Dress is a master with those tri-fold boards where you show your experiment on how long it takes for water to freeze at different starting points. And when it comes to rocks, the LBD has no equal, having studied said rocks/minerals now with three SONs of Thunder.

To put it simply, the Little Black Dress has the Mohs Hardness Scale down pat.

What she’s learned about rocks and minerals is impressive. This is especially true when you consider she somehow bypassed every science class in school.

I know this, this being the whole rock thing, because over the years she and the various SONs have recited and recited and recited said hardness scale and various rock/mineral definitions.

To listen to her say “sedimentary,” well, Shakespeare could write a sonnet around it. And don’t get me started on “igneous.” As the word glides over her tongue, well, let’s just say it works for me.

But it is not all sensuous in the kitchen, where said rocks are learned around the table. There were times a wee bit of frustration, nay, friction developed between The Dress and SONs. The latter always thought they had it all memorized, the LBD … not so much.

There were always requests to stop and eat from the SONs, and bribes/threats from The Dress to withhold substance until said Mohs was down pat.
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And there was a slight feeling of pressure in the room, with the idea of failing to correctly identify all minerals properly would somehow scar the SONs for life. Could be a key interview question, knowing the difference between one rock over the other.

I remember one study session where The Dress had enough of talc and cleavage and topaz. She turned to me and said, “The only rocks I care about are diamonds and sapphires.”

I asked about rubies and emeralds …

“No, I’m fine with just diamonds and sapphires … and pearls. Yes, definitely pearls,” she said.

I politely tried to point out to her that, technically, pearls aren’t rocks/minerals.

And I ducked just in time before one of the rocks she had borrowed for training purposes hit me in the head.

But, later on, after the kids were in bed, I did get her to say igneous in my ear.