Sunday’s Column – Hell Week

Apr 28, 2014 by winjaw

We have, apparently, survived yet another annual Hell Week.

I say this because the SONS of Thunder are now all smiles. Eldest smirked all week because, being in high school, he no longer has to participate in The Tests.

Said Tests are also known as the Criterion-Referenced Competency Tests, affectionately known as the CRCTs. Who came up with that alphabet soup title? According to the state Board of Education website, these tests are “producing well-designed assessments aligned to the state curriculum with timely dissemination of results.”

In English, this means “we’re testing to see if your kid has learned anything and we’ll let you know as soon as we can.”

The friendly website even lets us know what the CRCT really is, as only a state can do: “The CRCT is designed to measure how well students acquire the skills and knowledge described in the Georgia Performance Standards (GPS). The assessments yield information on academic achievement at the student, class, school, system and state levels. This information is used to diagnose individual strengths and weaknesses as related to the instruction of the GPS, and to gauge the quality of education throughout Georgia.”

Again, in English, this means “determining whether your kid is smart or dumb, and whether you’d kill to get into this school district or, give it up, your school sucks.”

With three boys in various stages of education, we’ve been through this week several times. It does not seem to get any easier. We continue to get the notes from teachers telling us to make sure the kids eat a well-balanced breakfast, get plenty of sleep, and so on and so forth.

It never happens.

I got up the first morning and cooked a quite incredible breakfast of scrambled eggs, bacon, toast and jam and even some orange juice. Making the breakfast is not the problem; getting the SONS to actually get out of bed is.

For some reason, the more important the day, the harder it is to get them up. By the second day, we’re down to cereal. After that, I’m throwing them granola bars and pushing them out the door because we are, once again, going to be late. Which brings on stress, according to the teachers, which means they won’t focus, which means they won’t do well, which means …

I always get a kick going over the “rules” of the CRCT with the SONS. It’s sort of a joke now, but there continues to be a debate. It goes something like this:
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“YOU CAN’T PEE!!!!”

“YOU CAN’T POOP!!!!”

“YOU CAN’T THROW UP!!!”

Wait, what was that last one?

“YOU CAN’T THROW UP … YOU HAVE TO HOLD IT!!!!”

There are other rules as well, which apparently vary depending on whether one is in elementary or middle school. Or, the rumors on said rules have taken a life of their own.

For the elementary school, one must sit quietly after finishing. No reading of library books allowed. However, one may play thumb wars – by oneself. And now we know where the phrase “twiddling your thumbs” came about.

For the middle school, you apparently are required to read after finishing. Quoting the eldest Son: “They want to make sure our brains keep thinking.”

The biggest debate is reserved for whether one may lay one’s head down on the desk. This will result in immediate removal and a meeting with The Man From The State, or is allowed provided you don’t fall asleep.

Who knows? Thankfully no one fell asleep, or at least didn’t admit it. The tests are done. Now we wait.