How To Ensure Your Kid Gets Beaten Up At School

Jan 2, 2010 by winjaw

So the Little Black Dress is reading this “woman’s” magazine and suddenly breaks out in laughter.

The Sons of Thunder pause from their various post-Christmas toys, I pause from my reading.  The cause of this spontaneous outburst from the LBD?

Apparently she was reading an article on helping one’s precious snowflakes get over the “postholiday crankies.”  I am immediately suspect of any article that has “crankies” in the title.  But according to the good folks at this magazine, our little cherubs are cranky after the holidays.

And basically, one way to cure this is to put them in a green scarf when they go back to school – something about the “heart chakra.”

As the Sons immediately start bombarding questions, I pull out my trusty Blackberry for a definition of chakra – “One of the seven centers of spiritual energy in the human body according to yoga philosophy.”

And the youngest Son looks at me and goes, “oh, that’s a blog.” 

And yes it is.

To quote: “Tomorrow morning your child will be waiting at the bus stop bright and early. Ease the transition by encouraging him to wear a green scarf or carry a green bag to tap the color’s energy-balancing benefits. ‘Green is tied to the heart chakra, which governs equilibrium,” said someone who’s seriously pulling something over anyone who actually follows this article’s advice.

“We’re supposed to wear green to do what  and who’s chakra again?” queried one Son.
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“Well, we think you should wear green and chant “chakra,” “chakra” at school and then explain to all your friends how it’s helping your equilibrium,” I responded

“My what?” asked another Son.

And we pretty much get the look from all of them.  Just a look, but amazing what all it projected: things like – I hate green; I still have no idea what chakra or equilibrium means; that’s the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard; and yes, that would result in a serious beating.

And I would have to agree.  Where are we headed when we take advice from a “certified color therapist.” And how in the world does one get certified in color; and why would anyone actually wake up and decide to get certified in that anyway?

I don’t want to sound jaded here, because I’m really not that type and I’m laughing too hard right now.  But seriously, we seem to search for answers and take advice from just about anything or anyone.

Why is this?

One of the things I want to instill in the Sons is, for a lack of a better term right now, a good BS detector.  God has given us all we need, including a brain.  Flip the dog – use what we have and rely on the One, not some latest fad/group think.

We don’t need chakra or a green scarf.