It’s Not About The Gear, But How You Coordinate It

May 3, 2011 by

I am not exactly one with team sports; I prefer more solitary pursuits.

Catamaran sailing, scuba diving, fly fishing, golf, backpacking – my extracurricular activities are more an individual jaunt or involve a small hardcore group.

And of course I am always trying to get the Little Black Dress to join me in these pastimes, with some success. Sometimes.

For the record, The Dress is a trooper. She will indulge me my little adventures. At least once, but I’m learning when not to push.

I guess it started with the “catamaran test,” prior to our marriage. You can read about that adventure here.  

Then there was our honeymoon. I convinced The Dress to get certified. Not certifiable, although I’m sure that’s what she thought I was becoming with my request, but rather take scuba diving lessons and get certified in said scuba diving.

The joke was she held the instructor’s hand more than mine. It wasn’t a joke, despite it being, as I mentioned, our honeymoon. And it was the first time I’ve ever actually seen someone with blue lips coming out of the water.

Okay, so the sailing and scuba diving didn’t exactly pan out. But there’s always fly fishing.

One thing I’ve realized about my little sports is I pretty much become a slave to gear. It’s almost like the sport takes a back seat. It’s all about the gear. Fly fishing was no exception.

I’ve got the best rods, reels, waders, hats, vests, whatever you can imagine. And those little extra things. It’s the gear, it’s all about the gear.

So the first time I take the LBD out on the water, I give her a pair of hip waders – those rubberized boots that go up to, well, your hips. Thus the rather descriptive name.

And she looks at me with “The Look.” Said Look conveys a lot. Such as “what the heck are those things, they are an incredibly ugly shade of brown and why do you have the matching/coordinated full-body wader outfit with wading boots and the cute fly fishing vest and there is no way in the world I’m putting these on because they don’t match what I’m wearing.”

And I kind of look at her and try to explain the boots are the best and what does the color matter and I want to make sure she enjoys fly fishing and I’ll get her whatever she wants after we determine she likes this sport …

“They don’t match and they’re ugly.”

And I’m beginning to realize, at least to The Dress, it’s not about the gear. It’s about coordinating.  And I don’t mean coordinating as in coordination, as in not falling down, but rather the proper mix/match of one’s attire.

So I do what any man does who loves his wife and wants her to join him in his little endeavors.

I take her to the fly fishing heaven store, hand over the credit card and say, “coordinate.”

We men have an incredible fail rate when it comes to learning lessons.

Let us flash forward to last week when we’re getting ready to go on a big camping trip. My buddy, a fellow gear slave, and I head off to the camping heaven store to pick up, well, stuff. Necessary stuff I might add.

On my list are a couple of headlamps. These are pretty much what their name implies, basically, flashlights that you wear on your head. Very cool, keeps both hands free. Sort of a miner’s lamp, minus the hard hat and all the coal.

So I pick up one for a friend of the LBD’s. Nothing fancy, just one you push the button, the light comes on. And it’s pink. This becomes important later.

And then I get one for The Dress. This baby has a flood light, a spot light, a red light (saves your eyes in the dark), and each of the various lights can be dimmed. This is the cat’s meow in terms of head lamps. The only thing it doesn’t do is windows.

So I proudly give it to The Dress. And I get another Look.

“It’s orange and gray and black.”

That is not a good start. I would prefer something along the lines of “you are so incredible, thank you so much my little backpacking stud.”

I try to explain what all this lamp does, other than windows that is, but it’s just not happening.

The Dress then asks what I got her friend. Dumb me shows her.

“How come she got pink?”

Why don’t we try and explain how much better the one I got her is compared to the pink one? Why don’t we try and explain that when she is using said lamp, it will be dark, and no one will see the color anyway?

Why don’t we just not waste our breath and learn our lesson.

I went to the gigantic box of camping stuff and pulled out another lamp. One that did not have all the bells and whistles of the one I originally gave her, but it did have some bells and a few whistles.

More importantly, it was chartreuse and black. The Dress loves chartreuse and black.

“I like this one.”

Gentlemen, learn this.

It is not about the gear. It is not about it being the very best of whatever it is.

It’s about the color. It’s about making sure it coordinates with whatever your precious spouse is wearing …

That day.

Be prepared. Have multiple colors ready.

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  1. Susan Cosby

    John, this is priceless! I love it…

  2. Angie

    Said “friend” would like everyone to know that the pink one works perfectly with what I am wearing!!! Just so you know!! ahahahaha LOVE IT!!!!! 🙂

  3. Angie

    And what exactly does that mean when it says “your comment is awaiting moderation??” What?? I do EVERYTHING in moderation already, thanks. 🙂

    • Thanks Susan, glad you dropped by

    • Dear “Friend”
      Don’t gloat.

      And comments are awaiting moderation means awaiting approval. Need to make sure you are staying in moderation, which I realize is difficult