Weekend Column – The LBD Didn’t Stand A Chance

Oct 6, 2014 by

So the Little Black Dress and the SONS of Thunder are watching one of those competition shows where someone gets voted off each week.

I really don’t remember which one, something about dancing or singing or whatever. Hey, I was in the kitchen cooking up something special.

Anyway, there’s quite the debate among the SONS about who is getting the axe. Said debate is beginning to get quite heated. Phrases like “WRONG” and “you’re an idiot” and “get off me” were being thrown around.

And one of them brought up the point that maybe the judges should “save” the contestants this week because they all did a pretty good job. Which, of course, led to the other two SONS going after him like a shark to a BBQ.

It was at this point the LBD, as is her trait, started in on what she calls a “life application lesson.” You know, how life doesn’t always seem fair, that sometimes you win and sometimes you lose and so forth. As an aside, she is rather adamant that the SONS pay attention to her when she is giving one of these lessons. By that, I mean things like eye contact.

And then the commercial came on.

The middle SON’s jaw dropped. And yes, to the floor is an apt phrase. This, in turn, caused the eldest SON, who was not facing the television, to snap his head around so fast you could heard a crack.

And the youngest SON’s eyes got bigger, to borrow yet another cliché, than saucers. And then he slowly sank down into the sofa.

A Victoria’s Secret commercial is in the house.

And for one of the few times in history, there is not a sound coming from any of the SONS of Thunder. The only other time this freak of nature occurs is when there’s a loud crash.

At those times, there’s about a two-second period of complete silence. That is followed by increasingly higher decibels of “he did it.”

Anyway, the LBD gave one of her “oh good grief” sighs, surrendered and walked out. Now, unfortunately I was out of the room at the time. However, I got quite an earful from The Dress about the timing of said commercial during family viewing time and the like.

And, to use yet another cliché, the SONS are just looking at me with a “cat got the canary” kind of look. I don’t know, I’m into clichés for some reason today.

But I’m getting the “look” from The Dress so I know I’d better say something – something other than “I missed it? … can we rewind it?”

So I try to explain to the Sons that those women aren’t really real, and no they don’t go around wearing next to nothing all the time and the only way they can look like that is to have a lot of help and they are starving to death and it’s not what’s on the outside but what’s on the inside that counts and that’s just demeaning to women and what if your mom wore something like that …

Hey, wait a second. What if The Dress wore …

“Give it a rest,” The Dress said.

So I did. And while the LBD is off looking for the network number to call in, the SONS are giving me the raised eyebrow/thumbs up action. And I’m about to do the high-five thing with them and The Dress walks in and I’m like “boys, seriously, enough and let’s get back to the competition.”

But I am glad they are growing up to appreciate art.

Until next time.

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